Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Overthinkin'

I'm constantly accused of over thinking. I'm sure if you've known me for any length of time you've heard me bitch about this before. But I'm here to remind those of you who think there's something deliberate to the level of detail over which I consider any given subject, that it's not intentional, it's not something I'm doing TO YOU. It's how my mind works. Please... PLEASE, consider NOT chiding me because it makes you uncomfortable or makes you think I'm trying to manipulate you into thinking about things you don't want to think too hard about. Whatever your issue is with how my mind processes information is not something I have any control over. When you bitch at me about something as fundamental as my mind, it kinda suggests you don't really like me. Worse, is intimates that you'd like me better if I was stupid or dull or worse yet... easier to slip things past. I assure you, that I too have wished my mind would slow down and not notice every tiny detail of every little thing. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes. So now you know why I'm oft so grumpy.

And while we're at it... let's get over this other thing, too; my lack of economy with words.

Yes, I know there's probably a quicker way to say what I have to say. I actually do TRY to give people the short version of whatever it is I have to say. And I tell you now, I admire those of you who get a lot across with an extreme economy of words. But I also consider myself in the process of conversation and communication and frankly, I enjoy communicating the way I do. I don't tell you how to talk or think because if you're my friend then I must like it. If I need more from you I'll ask. If I need less from you, I don't ask. Consider affording me the same courtesy, why don't you?

End rant.

Monday, January 4, 2010

I Made It!!!!!!

Well folks, I made it to 2010. Nobody could be more shocked than me, considering how many experiences I’ve had in the last decade that should have killed me. Breast Cancer scare, falling down a flight of stairs and smacking my head on a wall AND a wood plank when I landed, a slip and fall in a Lucky store, driving through a snow storm on the Grapevine without being able to see more than a foot in front of my window (on the night I moved here), a dismal disaster of a relationship with Ronn that put me in the hospital… I know there were more, too. Those are just the ones I can remember off the top of my head!

I can’t say it’s all been fraught with danger. There were some very good times in the last ten years. I’ve fulfilled life-long dreams, and came reasonably close to fulfilling the two biggest (to be a wife and a mother). I did a lot of learning and growing, made some outstanding friends, saw a lot of concerts, performed at a club, did a great job in a show… and yet the last four years have been inundated with so much loss and stress, that it’s been hard to remember the good times.

As I head into 2010, I’m doing everything I can to maintain a good attitude about the decade ahead… my forties. It is my absolute intention to leave all the shit behind me and let it be my past, so I can live in the present and create a happy, content, successful, loving, comfortable and fun future.