A letter to Sunny

Dear Sunny,

I know it seems, sometimes, like there will be no end to the insane amount of struggling. You search endlessly for the key to how to undo the cycle of craziness and every time it seems you've done everything you were told to do, everything everyone said you should do, you seem only to get into a more ludicrously painful predicament. I see how hard you try and wish there was something I could tell you, some words of comfort, some wisdom to impart, but I am at a loss.

It would be easy to feed you some tired cliche' like, "This, too, shall pass" or "It'll get better, you'll see", but you already know those things. You're a smart cookie. You get that it cannot go on like this indefinitely, and probably won't. I also know it won't help to remind you that you're not alone. I know that it pisses you off when people expect a guilt trip to keep you from worrying about real shit going down in your life. Especially because it implies that you don't give a shit about anything but your own problems and anyone who knows you knows that's totally untrue of you.

I can certainly see why you're scared right now. Two years of feeling lost, career wise, is pretty scary. Just when it seems like you have it figured out, some new catastrophe sweeps in like a hurricane, and undoes all your work. And at times it must feel like you're going to lose everything. I wish you had someone "on the inside" there to help you. Someone who could give you a reassuringly tender hug or hold your hand when you feel like you're falling a bit too fast. But wishing won't make it so. So you have to stay strong. You have to keep going. I know you're tired and sometimes think it would be easier if you could just sleep through the whole mess. But that only works when someone else is doing the work and they are not. Even the agencies and institutions whose employees are paid with your taxes and monthly fees are disinterested in doing anything to help you. So you are going to have to help yourself, whether you like it or not.

You can do it, Sunny. You can turn all of this around and live your life without all this fear and worry. The key is there. It's probably right under your nose. Breathe deeply, quiet your fears and maybe you'll see it... glistening in the sunlight... ready to unlock the door to your happiness.

Stay strong! I love you!


Sunny