A Little Stressed Out

Lately I've been having a little trouble staying awake. That is when I'm not having trouble getting to sleep. I've also been having a little trouble expressing myself (hence my penchant for Twittering over emails and blogs these days). The other night, while having dinner with a friend, I had so much trouble stringing a cognitive sentence together I wanted to jab my fork into my head in frustration. She thought it was funny. I guess, when one is used to being zinged with my heat-seeking, cut-through-the-bullshit conversational style, it would be a little funny to watch me stammer through the most innocuous conversation. To me, however, inability to communicate properly is far more upsetting than it would be if I say, had pneumonia. Believe me, I've had pneumonia... I prefer it to being unable to get my fucking self across.

I got the idea that maybe I was suffering symptoms of an illness. Being fat, I immediately checked the symptoms of diabetes. Oddly enough, I don't suffer any of them, with the exception of extreme irritability and let's face it... I've got good reason to be a bit cranky of late. So I looked further. I thought, "I wonder what the symptoms of stress are." And there it was, in black and white, staring me in the face... virtually everything that is wrong with me these days.


Memory problems
Indecisiveness
Inability to concentrate
Trouble thinking clearly
Poor judgment
Seeing only the negative
Anxious or racing thoughts
Constant worrying
Loss of objectivity
Fearful anticipation
Moodiness
Agitation
Restlessness
Short temper
Irritability, impatience
Inability to relax
Feeling tense and “on edge”
Feeling overwhelmed
Sense of loneliness and isolation
Depression or general unhappiness
Headaches or backaches
Muscle tension and stiffness
Diarrhea or constipation
Nausea, dizziness
Insomnia
Chest pain, rapid heartbeat
Weight gain or loss
Skin breakouts (hives, eczema)
Loss of sex drive
Frequent colds
Eating more or less
Sleeping too much or too little
Isolating yourself from others
Procrastination, neglecting responsibilities
Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax
Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing)
Teeth grinding or jaw clenching
Overdoing activities (e.g. exercising, shopping)
Overreacting to unexpected problems
Picking fights with others

I can tell you right now, that I can still see some positive. Some. Not much. And I don't think I've had a cold recently. That's about it. Everything else... EVERYTHING ELSE applies. Too bad the only cure is not being me.

We all deal with shit, we all deal with stress to some degree. I don't think I'm special or unique because I am in this place. I just don't have a way to undo it. That's frustrating. In fact, it's stressful.

I hope you're doing far better, feeling much happier, laughing and living and enjoying life. I'll get back there eventually. But please excuse me if, for now, I don't have a whole lot of sunshine to spread.