Letter to my nemesis at the EDD

Nemesis
Originally uploaded by Sunny-bunny

Dear Nemesis at the EDD,

I went to a nice museum on Presidents' Day (where, I assure you, I was looking for work, was not too sick to accept work, would have worked had I been offered it and did not actually work or make money of any kind amen). While I was there, I saw this lovely little figure of you looking angelic and rather benign. I am guessing this is you before you went to work at the EDD. Believe me, I know how a crap job can alter you in a profoundly ugly way. I hope that you are considering something less destructive as a possible career change.

Now, you and I know that there is some war betwixt us in which you clearly have the upper hand. I concede to that and humbly beg you to lay down your arms and allow me to go about my unemployment with quiet dignity. I do not know what I may have done to provoke your earnest vengeance but I assure you, whatever it was that I did was unintentional. Whatever brought you to this plan of attack, I do wish you would choose something less humiliating than repeatedly sending back my claim forms informing me that I filled out the ten bubbles incorrectly. I may be many things, Nemesis, but that inept, I most certainly am not. If you are going to impishly withhold my checks from me, at least be more creative. Like, you didn’t like my color of pen or hated the ugly stamp I used.

If you are someone I went to school with as a child, and slighted in some way, please know that I was going through my own seventh level of hell and probably didn't even know I was doing you an injustice. If I have injured you during the last ten years, please contact me, let's talk it out. I'm a reasonable woman, despite what you may have heard from anyone I knew in my 20s. Really! I've grown a lot since then!

So please, dearest Nemesis... let us work out our differences so that you can choose a more worthy opponent.

Please?

Pleeeeeeease?!

Your unwilling combatant,
Sunny